chirstmas over and new years yet to be
the office is still, barely a body to see
bless the vacationers for great gifts of silence
it's finally here, let the in-between time commence!
Monday, December 28, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
He Entered the Room for the Last Time
He laid the briefcase on the table and the sound of it momentarily drowned out the central heat and the muffled banging of a construction site a block south and 32 floors below. He was grateful that the cushioning of the padded, Naugahyde side-panel masked the hollow, empty sound he'd expected. He wished, briefly, that he'd not eaten the apple and jelly sandwich he'd packed that morning as they'd added some weight and would have made his swinging the briefcase down onto the table look more authentic. This thought was followed by a surprisingly intense shame, and he did his best to push it out of his mind. Looking down he saw a bead of sweat land on the right-side, brass latch and resisted the urge to wipe it away. He sensed the stares coming at him from the men around the table but did not yet look up. He paused for a moment pondering, and quickly rejecting, the idea of opening the case and pretending to rummage through it. In the moments he had left he tried to accept that there were no answers, no solutions and no recourses. Then, he raised his head, and in a slow, soft voice began to speak
Friday, October 16, 2009
To the Peacemaker
Dear Richard,
This is a confession.
I broke the first rule. I told my mother. She wanted to know where I’d been and after she refused my usual story, I told her. She does not know who is involved. I want you to understand that. I wouldn’t tell her no matter how hard she tried or what she threatened. But she knows enough to understand what’s been going on.
After I told her, she sent me to my room. I’m here now. She’s on the phone. I don’t know who she’s talking to, but I can guess. There may be trouble. She’s a believer. I’ve known that in my heart all along. Until now I could pretend that she was faking, that she was just trying to survive it like the rest of us. But I know she’s a believer. I hear it in her voice through the door. There will be trouble.
It’s hard to describe how I feel. I'm sorry. She asked and asked. I lied as I always have, but you were right, the lying gets harder. Every day we studied I could feel the truth welling within me. I tried to be firm in the telling of it. I tried to remember the rules and why they are important. I tried to keep my head. I wasn’t successful, not completely. I did manage not to raise my voice in anger. I know that’s not enough, but it’s something. Isn’t it?
At this point, I have to make a decision. I knew this day would come. You always told us it would. It had to. I just never expected it so soon. Though I suppose we rarely know what to expect. As you say, it would have been nice of Fate to give us an outline.
I want to thank you for the peace you’ve helped me discover. Your guidance has meant more to me than I can express. I may never fully repay you, but I will try to use your lessons well. I know that now, no matter my decision, everything has changed. I know this is my time of trial. I think I understand now what you meant by that phrase. I feel ready.
As I have told you, as we’ve all told you, I’ve spend many sleepless nights thinking about what it’s like on the other side. I have the photo you gave me -- your mother’s family on the beach. It may be in black and white, but I swear I can see the blue of the ocean. I long to see that ocean, to really see it, and to feel its cool water roll over my feet. Does the beach have a scent? I want to find out. I want to feel the sun. I want to lie on the sand and watch the people – the free people – walk by in their swimsuits. I want a dog like your mother’s. I want to be as happy as she and her family seem.
There it is. I’ve made my decision. Maybe this letter is more of a goodbye than a confession, though I suppose it’s also a warning. I know putting this on paper is dangerous, but how could I not? You have to know. I hope you and the others are not harmed by my actions. My leaving is the best thing. If I’m gone I can’t answer their questions.
I’ll leave this letter in our usual place. When I’m not at practice tomorrow, I’m sure you’ll send someone to fetch it. Tell them not to look for me. Not to ask after me. Not to draw suspicion toward the group. Believe I made it. That’s the last thing I ask of you. No matter what, believe I made it.
Yours in love and gratitude,
Kate
This is a confession.
I broke the first rule. I told my mother. She wanted to know where I’d been and after she refused my usual story, I told her. She does not know who is involved. I want you to understand that. I wouldn’t tell her no matter how hard she tried or what she threatened. But she knows enough to understand what’s been going on.
After I told her, she sent me to my room. I’m here now. She’s on the phone. I don’t know who she’s talking to, but I can guess. There may be trouble. She’s a believer. I’ve known that in my heart all along. Until now I could pretend that she was faking, that she was just trying to survive it like the rest of us. But I know she’s a believer. I hear it in her voice through the door. There will be trouble.
It’s hard to describe how I feel. I'm sorry. She asked and asked. I lied as I always have, but you were right, the lying gets harder. Every day we studied I could feel the truth welling within me. I tried to be firm in the telling of it. I tried to remember the rules and why they are important. I tried to keep my head. I wasn’t successful, not completely. I did manage not to raise my voice in anger. I know that’s not enough, but it’s something. Isn’t it?
At this point, I have to make a decision. I knew this day would come. You always told us it would. It had to. I just never expected it so soon. Though I suppose we rarely know what to expect. As you say, it would have been nice of Fate to give us an outline.
I want to thank you for the peace you’ve helped me discover. Your guidance has meant more to me than I can express. I may never fully repay you, but I will try to use your lessons well. I know that now, no matter my decision, everything has changed. I know this is my time of trial. I think I understand now what you meant by that phrase. I feel ready.
As I have told you, as we’ve all told you, I’ve spend many sleepless nights thinking about what it’s like on the other side. I have the photo you gave me -- your mother’s family on the beach. It may be in black and white, but I swear I can see the blue of the ocean. I long to see that ocean, to really see it, and to feel its cool water roll over my feet. Does the beach have a scent? I want to find out. I want to feel the sun. I want to lie on the sand and watch the people – the free people – walk by in their swimsuits. I want a dog like your mother’s. I want to be as happy as she and her family seem.
There it is. I’ve made my decision. Maybe this letter is more of a goodbye than a confession, though I suppose it’s also a warning. I know putting this on paper is dangerous, but how could I not? You have to know. I hope you and the others are not harmed by my actions. My leaving is the best thing. If I’m gone I can’t answer their questions.
I’ll leave this letter in our usual place. When I’m not at practice tomorrow, I’m sure you’ll send someone to fetch it. Tell them not to look for me. Not to ask after me. Not to draw suspicion toward the group. Believe I made it. That’s the last thing I ask of you. No matter what, believe I made it.
Yours in love and gratitude,
Kate
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Ice Poems
Ice cold crickets
In my lemonade
Ma'am!
Could you see to these
Crickets, please
precious icy-cold refreshment.
i sense resentment,
when i ask for a refill.
the water glass looked
like ice
cold in the moonlight
on the windowsill
where she'd left it
In my lemonade
Ma'am!
Could you see to these
Crickets, please
+++
precious icy-cold refreshment.
i sense resentment,
when i ask for a refill.
+++
the water glass looked
like ice
cold in the moonlight
on the windowsill
where she'd left it
Monday, October 12, 2009
Zombie Haiku
Heart, released from Mind,
sails not on winds passionate.
obeys Stomach now.
of mindless demands
"Respect" reigns above all else
destruction ensues
sails not on winds passionate.
obeys Stomach now.
of mindless demands
"Respect" reigns above all else
destruction ensues
Friday, August 21, 2009
Cycling
It was the last day of the world, but, of course, no one knew it. It was a normal day. Babies were fed. Beds were made and then, sometimes, abruptly unmade in the heat of love. Men cried. Women went to lunch with friends. Old and young alike died of thirst. Magnificent weddings where performed. Robberies were planned. A small Asian man stood atop Mt Everest. Children studied or pretended to. A homosexual parade was held in Madrid. Kisses were shared. Gods were worshiped. Loss was mourned. Bombs were planted beneath dusty roads. Courts sentenced the guilty and freed the innocent...mostly. An elephant was downed in northern India. Fires were extinguished. Homes were built. Guns were fired. In Michigan an old man climbed a tree and refused to come down until his children showed him some respect. Hats were bought. Rivers were forded. Jungles burned.
It is the last day of the world, but, of course, no one knows it. Dead rock, dust and vapor circle a nameless yellow star. Boulders collide and fly apart. Pieces of a world remembered only by the blinking lights and whirling gears of a few orphaned probes. Time passes and is not measured. A cloud forms. The star glows hazy-orange beneath it. After a while a spinning asteroids and dust condense into a ring around the star. Internal collisions cause some rocks to fly from the ring out into nothingness and sends others careening into the star causing spectacular fiery geysers to shoot forth into black space. As more and more chunks of rock ram into each other some begin to cling together forming ever larger dust-covered bodies. Time and chance eventually leave one of these bodies the victor for having collected the bulk of the circling debris. Gravity’s pressure squeezes its innermost depths into a thick, hot liquid, even as it continues to be pelted from above. At one point the pressure within threatens to tear the new planet apart, but a lucky impact frees just enough material and sends it shooting into the planet's orbit to reestablish stability.
Soon it will be the first day of the world, but, of course, no one will ever know it…
It is the last day of the world, but, of course, no one knows it. Dead rock, dust and vapor circle a nameless yellow star. Boulders collide and fly apart. Pieces of a world remembered only by the blinking lights and whirling gears of a few orphaned probes. Time passes and is not measured. A cloud forms. The star glows hazy-orange beneath it. After a while a spinning asteroids and dust condense into a ring around the star. Internal collisions cause some rocks to fly from the ring out into nothingness and sends others careening into the star causing spectacular fiery geysers to shoot forth into black space. As more and more chunks of rock ram into each other some begin to cling together forming ever larger dust-covered bodies. Time and chance eventually leave one of these bodies the victor for having collected the bulk of the circling debris. Gravity’s pressure squeezes its innermost depths into a thick, hot liquid, even as it continues to be pelted from above. At one point the pressure within threatens to tear the new planet apart, but a lucky impact frees just enough material and sends it shooting into the planet's orbit to reestablish stability.
Soon it will be the first day of the world, but, of course, no one will ever know it…
Boy's Adventure
It was a hard climb. The loose gravel lining the slope caused him to slip every few steps, kicking up dust that began to cover his new Nike low-tops. It was hard, but worth it. When he reached the top he could see exactly why his brother told him to never, ever climb onto the tracks.
It was a camp and he realized he could smell it. Burnt plastic, mostly, with a hint of sweat. On first glance he'd imagined the camp of a great army full of brave soldiers taking a brief, and surely deserved, rest before marching on to combat, and quite possibly, certain death. But reality set in quickly, and he knew this was no military camp. The tents, if you could call them that, where bright blue or mud-colored tarps like the one his uncle used to cover his boat after coming back from the lake. They hung down from trees, were propped up with pieces of white, plastic pipe and were secured to the ground by rocks, rusty hunks of iron or chunks of concrete block. The ground around each tent was dry, dusty earth with a few tall weeds here and there, but no grass. Instead of neat campfires surrounded by rocks, there were blackened oil drums filled with sharp flames stabbing their way into the early evening air.
When he noticed the man rumble awkwardly and slowly from behind a tattered tarp, he dove down behind the track leaving only the top of his head exposed so he could watch. The man was white and he was old. Really old. Not like the boy's father was old. Older than that. But maybe younger than his grandfather. He had a dusty blonde-gray beard and long kinked hair sliding from beneath an orange cap. He walked like one of those horses the boy's mother had taken him to see at the fair. High and thoughtful, each step a decision of it's own, but with a kind of wobble the horses hadn't had. His shoes didn't match. One was a brown loafer. Its sole had come detached both in the front and the back. The other was a high-top sneaker. It was gray with dirt, but looked to be in better shape than it's mate. There was a long strip hanging down from a hole in the seat of the old man's pants. Through the hole the boy could see stained, yellowed long underwear.
Suddenly the old man lunged forward grabbing his legs above his knees. He coughed in fits, violently, wheezing and bobbing his upper body up and down between each fit. He raised up and spit a dark red spray onto the ground in front of him, then leaned over and began again. The boy, seeing this, felt afraid. This man was sick. Bad sick. What if he died right there? Should he run for help? The boy's stomach began to tingle and swirl. The coughing continued. The sound of wet, rattling death filled his ears. He felt sweat on his palms and on the back of his neck. He should do something. He bowed his head for a moment to pray to Jesus to protect him, then poised himself to leap. He looked up. The camp appeared empty. The old man was gone.
Later that night at the supper table while his father went on, as usual, talking about work, the boy leaned over toward his brother.
“I went up on the railroad tracks,” he whispered.
His brother looked shocked, then angry and concerned. “I told you not to,” he whispered back.
“I saw a man. He looked sick,” the boy said.
“Don't go up there any more,” his brother said. “Ok? Promise.”
“OK, but wha-”
“What are you boys whispering about over there?” their mother asked.
“Nothing, mom,” the boy's brother said.
“Nothing, huh? Sure looked like a couple of thieves to me,” she said. “Plotting something, I bet.”
“No, mom, it's nothing.”
“Oh, honey, let the boys have their secrets,” their father said. “A secret or two can't hurt anybody. And we can't know EVERYTHING, can we? After all, we're only their parents.”
It was a camp and he realized he could smell it. Burnt plastic, mostly, with a hint of sweat. On first glance he'd imagined the camp of a great army full of brave soldiers taking a brief, and surely deserved, rest before marching on to combat, and quite possibly, certain death. But reality set in quickly, and he knew this was no military camp. The tents, if you could call them that, where bright blue or mud-colored tarps like the one his uncle used to cover his boat after coming back from the lake. They hung down from trees, were propped up with pieces of white, plastic pipe and were secured to the ground by rocks, rusty hunks of iron or chunks of concrete block. The ground around each tent was dry, dusty earth with a few tall weeds here and there, but no grass. Instead of neat campfires surrounded by rocks, there were blackened oil drums filled with sharp flames stabbing their way into the early evening air.
When he noticed the man rumble awkwardly and slowly from behind a tattered tarp, he dove down behind the track leaving only the top of his head exposed so he could watch. The man was white and he was old. Really old. Not like the boy's father was old. Older than that. But maybe younger than his grandfather. He had a dusty blonde-gray beard and long kinked hair sliding from beneath an orange cap. He walked like one of those horses the boy's mother had taken him to see at the fair. High and thoughtful, each step a decision of it's own, but with a kind of wobble the horses hadn't had. His shoes didn't match. One was a brown loafer. Its sole had come detached both in the front and the back. The other was a high-top sneaker. It was gray with dirt, but looked to be in better shape than it's mate. There was a long strip hanging down from a hole in the seat of the old man's pants. Through the hole the boy could see stained, yellowed long underwear.
Suddenly the old man lunged forward grabbing his legs above his knees. He coughed in fits, violently, wheezing and bobbing his upper body up and down between each fit. He raised up and spit a dark red spray onto the ground in front of him, then leaned over and began again. The boy, seeing this, felt afraid. This man was sick. Bad sick. What if he died right there? Should he run for help? The boy's stomach began to tingle and swirl. The coughing continued. The sound of wet, rattling death filled his ears. He felt sweat on his palms and on the back of his neck. He should do something. He bowed his head for a moment to pray to Jesus to protect him, then poised himself to leap. He looked up. The camp appeared empty. The old man was gone.
Later that night at the supper table while his father went on, as usual, talking about work, the boy leaned over toward his brother.
“I went up on the railroad tracks,” he whispered.
His brother looked shocked, then angry and concerned. “I told you not to,” he whispered back.
“I saw a man. He looked sick,” the boy said.
“Don't go up there any more,” his brother said. “Ok? Promise.”
“OK, but wha-”
“What are you boys whispering about over there?” their mother asked.
“Nothing, mom,” the boy's brother said.
“Nothing, huh? Sure looked like a couple of thieves to me,” she said. “Plotting something, I bet.”
“No, mom, it's nothing.”
“Oh, honey, let the boys have their secrets,” their father said. “A secret or two can't hurt anybody. And we can't know EVERYTHING, can we? After all, we're only their parents.”
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